I Like Big Butts and I Can Not Lie……. Ya. Not So Much!

A couple of years ago, my family and I went to the local “dollar theater” to see a movie. This theater is the old fashioned style with a long narrow theater, with a little screen in the front and a gentle incline of seats. No stadium seating here. And the chairs are just as old fashioned, well maybe a bit newer. The chairs here do have drink holders in the arms, but they are still built for the thinner America of old.

These chairs are the kind of chairs that requires a shoe horn to get me into. Getting out of them is no real picnic either!

Have you ever been big enough to experience that awkward moment when you try to get out of a chair that had arms on it, and when you got up, the chair came with you?

Do you see where I am going with this?

So we had all sat down in the chairs and were getting comfortable for the movies. We all had sodas placed in the cup holders in the arms of the chairs. It was just about movie time, so I decided I had better make that trip to the girl’s room. I stood up to leave, when my big bum decided that since it couldn’t take the chair with me, it would take the 2 sodas on either side of me! My rather large backside, brushed up against the arms of the chairs pulling out the two sodas on either side and made a huge mess. But more importantly, I was MORTIFIED!!!!

This brought me straight back to my childhood memories of having to walk into a restaurant and ask for a table rather than a booth because my dad could not fit into a booth. Or worse yet, they had no tables with chairs and Dad had to somehow squeeze his girth into the booth! I was embarrassed by him and for him. And now here were my children having to watch me in all of my obese glory…..or shame.

It was certainly not my proudest moment. And honestly, it wasn’t even the moment that made me say, “Martha, you need to lose weight!” Instead it was the moment that my entire family realized that Mom was too fat, and they needed to make sure to hold the drinks down or pick them up before I got up. It was the moment that I learned to warn my family before I got up out of the chairs.

Fast forward to now….

A couple of weeks ago, my husband and I were talking about going to the movies and he suggested a movie at this same theater. I didn’t want to see the movies that were showing there, but I told him I wanted to go back soon to see how I fit into the chairs. And we let the subject drop.

Today, we decided to go to the movies at this theater. I didn’t even give the chairs a second thought until I was about to sit down. It was like running a marathon and coming up to that last quarter mile. You can see the finish line, but your legs are so tired! You are in pain. You just want this over with. At the same time, you are elated because you are about to see this huge accomplishment become a reality. Then fear sets in, “What if I trip and break my leg and can’t cross the finish line???” Yes, that is what I was thinking as I looked at these chairs. “What if I’m still not small enough?”

It was a fleeting thought. And as I sat down, I didn’t even pay attention to the moment. I just sat down like nothing had ever occurred to me to do otherwise. Once I was seated, it dawned on me. “My butt didn’t have to squeeze in!” I looked at my husband and said, “My butt is small enough!” He laughed with pride in his eyes. My daughter giggled and I turned to her and asked, “Do you even know what I’m talking about?” Her reply was, “Yes! You are skinny, mom!”

Indeed. But what if it was a fluke? After all, I didn’t really pay attention when I sat down. The real test will be when I have to get up to go to the girl’s room and the sodas are in the cup holders! Well that time had arrived. I saw that finish line again. I took a deep breath and in one swift motion I stood up. SUCCESS!!!! The sodas remained unscathed! My bum didn’t even brush the sides of the arms of the chair!

This journey isn’t about the scale, but about these REAL LIFE VICTORIES!

Happy Valentines Day!!!! Gave myself the gift of a healthy heart…..

What did you give yourself???

Welcome to week 49!!!!

In my last post, I talked about the struggles I was experiencing, and at the beginning of THIS particular week, I was struggling emotionally.  I was an absolute emotional wreck last week.  My husband was traveling.  It was that time of the month. It was a full moon and my work was giving me fits!   However, instead of giving into a bunch of emotional eating and bad choices, I stayed focused.  I tracked.  And thought about what I was eating!  And I made sure I got my exercise in!

I knew I would be weighing in on Valentines  Day and I decided I  needed to remember what I am doing this for.  I am doing this for my health.  For the health of my heart!  So for Valentines Day, I gave myself the gift of a healthy heart!  I am 4.8# lighter this week for a total of 56# released from this body!  Happy Valentines Day to me!!!

I have to say that week 49 was also filled with some amazing NSV’s!

Wednesdays I take off to go snowboarding at our local ski hill.  And as you have seen  me type before, I have 2 new snowboarding outfits that I love!  Every time I put them on, I remember how hard I worked to be able to fit into regular sized women’s boarding gear!  Anyway, last Wednesday when I was feeling particularly down and really hoping boarding would help cheer me up, I was in the ladies bathroom getting all bundled up, when a woman (whom I didn’t know) came up to me and said, “That is a really cute suit! Actually you are a really cute you!”   Now THAT was a first!    Then later, I went back out to talk to one of my friends whom I used to work with and she said, “Have you lost weight?” (as she motioned with her hands a slimmer body).  “You look like you have lost a lot of weight and you look great!”  I beamed with pride!  Isn’t that what every woman wants to hear after they have worked so hard?  It felt great!

Then Sunday, I decided I wanted to go clothes shopping.  I didn’t want to BUY clothes, but I wanted to try them on.  I hadn’t tried on cute dresses in a while and I haven’t been to the Dress Barn in years.  So I headed that direction.  While I was trying on dresses, the sales girl said, “You have amazing calves!  I wish I had calves like yours!”  (This girl was you average “skinny” girl.)  THAT WAS A FIRST!  I used to hate my calves!  They have always been big and made it very hard to buy boots.  And now I am being told I have amazing calves!  I have to say that I, too, love my calves now (before she said anything).  I love the definition I am seeing in the mirror.  This may have been the best compliment I have ever been paid!

You might be wondering if I bought clothes while I was shopping at Dress Barn.  Well as a matter of fact, I did!  I had tried on this SMOKIN’ HOT black and silver very fitted one strap sleeveless mini dress.  The girl was trying to help me zip it up but told me it was too small (and knowing that I had just lost a bunch of weight and am still working on it) she said I could use it as a Goal Dress.  It was on serious sale for $25.  How could I pass it up!!!  I also bought this amazing pink leather motorcycle jacket while I was there!  (When  my 12-year-old daughter saw me wearing it for the first time she said, “Wow!  That is awesome!  You  bought that without my help?  Wow, mom!  You are really learning about fashion!  You are fitting into some really cute things, and I’m very proud of you!”  It’s nice to know that my 12-year-old approves of my fashion sense *laugh* but the “I’m proud of you” means more to me than anything!)

When I got home from shopping on Sunday night, I had my  hubby try to zip up that SMOKIN’ HOT dress, and it zipped all the way!  IT DOES FIT!!!!  It’s a bit tighter than it probably should be, but it is AMAZING!!!!  I will wear it  to celebrate the completion of my 52 week journey!!!  (You’ll get pictures then!)

Until then, here is a picture of me feeling mighty sexy in the pink jacket……

Today at the Weight  Watcher’s meeting we had a substitute leader.  And she made some really great comments that made me think.

When talking about losing only .4# or.2# and not a whole pound or more at the scale she said, “We are not robots who will lose 2# perfectly every week.  Every 1/10 adds up and it’s progress.”  She is right.  I am not a robot.  I live a human life where things comes up ,where bodies fluctuate , where stress enters.  But the thing is, I get to choose how I deal with those things and as long as I am showing progress on a longer term basis, then the weekly things just don’t need to get me down!
“There is no failure only feed back.”  How are we going to choose to look at our “feed back”?  We can choose to see a .4# gain as a failure, or we can choose to see it as feed back that maybe eating all that valentine’s day candy in one sitting was NOT a great choice and make a better choices from this day forward.
“Deprivation is the most fattening thing you can do.”  When we feel deprived we end up eating more than what we should or we just plain give up.  That is the best thing about Weight Watchers.  We can choose to eat anything we want as long as we track it and are conscious of it.  It’s about learning to make good choices and treating ourselves with respect.  It’s about learning moderation and healthy guidelines.  It’s about including all of you favorite foods into a healthy lifestyle!

 

Not gonna lie, its been a struggle…..

Welcome to weeks 47 & 48!

As I get closer to week 52, I find myself not wanting to blog as much, and truthfully I have been very busy!  I have also been struggling something fierce!

Week 47 found me at the University of Idaho’s McCall Outdoor Science Camp (MOSS) with my daughters 6th grade class.  This is a week, where I got to play cabin mom to 6 girls and just on the other side of the cabin wall with a door between the two rooms was another cabin mom with 6 more girls.  12 tween girls in total!  Not enough wine and chocolate in the world!   The first two days were torture, and I found myself calling my husband (almost in tears) telling him I wanted to go home.  It was HARD.  We eventually got the girls to calm down and the rest of the week was very enjoyable.  The biggest challenge was eating.  I kept telling myself I didn’t have options.  I had to eat what they gave me.  And since I didn’t have the full reign of the kitchen and only got food WHEN they served us, I totally felt like I need to eat LOTS when given the opportunity to eat at all.  I also found myself saying, “You are going to be outside snowshoeing all day, you need all the calories you can get!”  These two stories were just that!

In reality, I had options.  I could have just had a bowl of yogurt and some fruit with nuts. I could have had a bowl of cereal with fat-free milk.  I could have had a bowl of oat meal.  I did NOT have to have the huge breakfast burrito that the teachers served up. I could have told the teachers to go light on the eggs and sausage.  I didn’t have to go back for seconds of spaghetti!  However, with all of that said, it was the snack times that killed me. I SHOULD have taken more fresh fruit at lunch to tide me over during the day instead of eating the trail mix that was worth 20pts at a pop!  YIKES!  That week, I came home from camp sitting at a beautiful -21 in points!  I came home and tried to get control.  That week I also earned over 120 exercise points!

What did I LOVE about MOSS?  I got to snow shoe for the first time!!!!!  I had so much fun!  I got to be in an epic snow ball fight with about 20 6th graders and 6 adults!  I got to help shovel tons of snow to make a snow fort!  I got to slide down an ice slide with the kids when none of the other adults would play with them.  ALL of this,  would not have been able to do before losing 50#!

     

Week 48 found me going into my Weight Watcher’s meeting seriously thinking I was going to lose some weight, but what I lost was the .4# that I had gained 2 weeks before.  2 weeks of not weighing in, and that is ALL I lost?  I was disappointed!  But it was a loss, so I held my head high and went into my meeting. I am proud of myself for tracking that whole week I was at camp. I tracked everything.

But truth of the matter is, I feel like (well felt like….just wait until I blog tomorrow to tell you how I feel NOW) I was never going to break through this plateau.  But is this plateau that I seem to be in a real plateau or a self-generated hovering place?  My food choices haven’t been the best.  I feel like I am *this* close to a goal (reaching 52 weeks) and I’m fizzling out. I feel like I’m *this* close to 52 weeks and I am only half way to where I wanted to be in 52 weeks (weight wise).  Sometimes I feel like a failure because I am not going to lose 100# in the year I have been on this journey.

I have to keep telling myself that this is a life long journey and that even though I am reaching my 52 weeks, I have to keep this up.

While I was at MOSS, my husband called me with very upsetting  news.  The wife of a man we work with had a massive heart attack and is in a coma.  She is our age with 4 or 5 children!  My husband was soooooo scared.  He called me and thanked me for taking care of myself and making these changes.  THIS is what this journey is about….not the weight.  I am healthier than I have ever been!    The way I was going, that heart attack could have been mine.

When I struggle, I need to remember these things.  I need to remember how far I have come.  I need to remember how much fun I am having being me NOW.

For those of you are struggling with your weight, who may be on this weight  loss journey and wondering if its worth it, IT IS!  Let’s remember WHY we are doing this.  We HAVE to be healthy for our family!  We HAVE to be healthy for OURSELVES!!!  Let’s remember to take stock of ALL of the wins we have accumulated: the times we reached for fruit instead of candy, the times exercised when we really wanted to sleep, the times we were honest with our food journals/tracking when we really wanted to hide that donut we ate, the times we stood on the scale and took accountability, the feeling of going to the doctor to  hear him/her say that we are doing a great job and to keep it up!  Keep a list of all of our WINS and NSV’s and read them when you struggle. They will keep you going!